


A Soul Bared

by RedMango



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Headcanon, How Do I Tag, Slow Burn, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, post-episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18976501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedMango/pseuds/RedMango
Summary: At the end of the season 19 episode "Chasing Demons" Brian says to Olivia, "But you were never gonna bare your soul to me, am I right?"  Her reaction reads to me as a mix of confusion and shock - like she didn't even realize the truth of the statement/question until he spoke the words.  This is my imagination's interpretation of that internal realization...





	A Soul Bared

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to preface this by saying I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never written anything like this (or really, at all) before, and certainly never posted it for others to read.

_But you were never gonna bare your soul to me, am I right?_

Brian’s words echoed in her mind for the rest of the evening. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t shake them. He was right. She told him so. She had always kept Brian at a distance, but she really believed he was a good man. He had a tendency to let his temper get away from him, and that often ended poorly. But underneath the bravado, the posturing, and the mistakes, he really did care about others, and had a good heart.

They should have worked. On paper, it made sense. There were a myriad of reasons it should have worked out, not the least of which was that he understood the job. He understood what it took, and what it cost her to do her job right. And for her, “right” meant all-in. And all-in meant there was very little room or time for anything else. Sometimes she would come home after a hard case and a long day, feeling tired, bruised, or broken, even when nothing physical had happened to her. She wouldn’t say a word, but she would let him hold her until exhaustion claimed her.

There was also William Lewis. Brian was there for her during the worst time in her life. Well, the worst time in her life up to that point. Brian took care of her during her physical and psychological recovery. He never asked any questions of her about what happened, but she knew he read the file. She never offered any additional information. She later told him she didn’t think he could handle it. She, the one who experienced the violence, the assault, didn’t think he could handle sharing her trauma. That probably should have been a sign.

She tried to make it work. But eventually she realized that she wasn’t being honest with herself. She couldn’t be in a relationship with someone she felt she had to protect. That she had to hide her feelings from, her true self from, because she didn’t think he could handle it.

_You were never gonna bare your soul to me._

He was right. She never did, and was never going to. So she ended it.

In spite of all that, that’s not what kept the words spinning through Olivia’s head all night. He was right, that she knew. She hadn’t come to that exact realization herself, but the moment he uttered the words, she knew it was true. What surprised her was the thought that came to her, unbidden, immediately after hearing Brian’s words.

_You’re not Rafael._

The thought took her by surprise. She had wondered, from time to time, if what they had was more there than simple friendship. They had a bit of a rocky start, with some of the comments he’d made. _Take your daughter to work day?_ She’d immediately decided he was an arrogant prick, and that working with him was going to be impossible. He’d quickly proven that underneath the fancy suits and bravado was someone who cared about people, and would do just about anything to get justice for victims. That first stunt with the belt around his neck was complete insanity, but also damn effective. That move had given her hope that her original assessment was wrong, and the years since have confirmed it.

_You were never gonna bare your soul to me._

Olivia hadn’t, not with Brian. But, she realized, she had with Rafael. Over the years, through many cases, over countless glasses of wine and fingers of scotch, she had bared her soul to him. They had transitioned from colleagues to friends. And then, not so long ago with Sheila Porter… she shattered. She had initially thought the William Lewis affair (affairs, really) were the hardest thing she’s ever lived through. She was so, so wrong. Noah being taken was exponentially worse. Her son was, is, her heart and soul. So when he was gone… But Rafael had been there for her... He supported her in the ways he best could - he got the paperwork they needed taken care of, he held her when she broke down in her office, and she had received texts and phone calls throughout the ordeal. And then after she found Noah and brought him home, Rafael showed up at her apartment, unannounced, just to be with them.

It wasn’t until that night that she truly realized just how important he had become in her life.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm borderline terrified about posting this. So odds are good I'm going to post and run away for a while. But you're supposed to do things that scare you, right? ahhhhhh!


End file.
